![]() I hope it includes medication and a new bra for Lisa. Lisa laughs and breaks down at the same time. All of them have heard it’s a swingers club. The former guests come in and open their bag of grumbles. Fuck how much more is this woman going to cry? Gordon tells them they are both shits, and Lisa turns on the waterworks again. Gordon tells her it’s insane and she says “I never thought of it that way!” I don’t know how Gordon is not stabbing her with a steak knife at the moment. Lisa says that they give their employees loans and Gordon retorts with “YEAH! TO BUY THEIR OWN $300 UNIFORM!” and Lisa says, I kid you not, “What’s wrong with that?” SMH. Jonathan confirms they have been open over 12 years with NO PAYROLL. When Gordon confronts them, Lisa puts on her Queen voice and gets all defensive. The staff has to fucking ASK FOR their salaries! And half of their banks won’t cash their bouncing checks! HOW ARE THESE ASSHOLES STILL IN BUSINESS?! The staff confirms that Lisa is a major cunt and total Dom. Gordon calls a staff meeting to talk shit about Lisa and Jonathan without Mistress Lisa answering all the questions. Gordon kicks them both the fuck out for the night, and I wonder if his swinger party is on the way. Fuck, we could fill that hot tub with Lisa’s tears. Gordon calls her on her bullshit, and of course she denies everything, and then cries. Now she is chugging bourbon behind the bar, in full view of her staff and customers. Gordon pulls them outside and tells them to get their shit together, and Lisa starts screaming, then sobbing to her husband. Maybe in the hot tub with the other meat. Gordon reaches into the fridge and brings out a handful of bacon. First she wants to throw the customers out then she is all passive aggressive to them then she acts all clueless to Gordon. Gordon rightly tells a couple that their chicken was roasted 2 and a half days ago, and Lisa flips the fuck out when they express their dismay. Food is just sitting around and Jonathan just kind of shrugs when Gordon asks why the steak is now room temperature. It’s like my grandma’s house threw up in there. The kitchen is crammed full of teacups and doilies and 20 tons of shit. He actually takes the cover off and touches the water. Gordon decides to investigate the rumored “swingers den” in the basement and finds expensive wine… and a “mineral spa”, known in the real world as a “hot tub”. We cut to Lisa lying in bed, commanding some bed maid to pull her ankle because it hurts, all the while bitching about husband. Now Lisa is bawling and telling her hubby that “I want to make things sexier and you never listen!” Good God, this woman needs some mood stabilizers. Gordon lets Lisa and her husband have it, and I’m guessing that the cat o’nine tails is coming out tonight. It’s clear who the Dom is in this relationship. Then stands over her until Gordon makes her leave. Gordon asks the waitress a question and Mistress Lisa jumps right in like she’s not even there. The next dish comes with an edible flower, and I suppose that makes it look slightly less like donkey testicles. They look like a dog chewed it, and taste like shit. Gordon ordered the sea scallops and is not impressed by their appearance or flavor. Gordon goes to sit down to eat, and ends up at a table next to a dresser stuffed with crap. He didn’t look too deeply, however, I’m still convinced that there’s some whips and chains under all of that paisley. Clothing from circa 1993 and a few moths fly out. Gordon, smelling bullshit, asks her to open it, and it’s true. Wait, what? She owns an entire Inn, yet she stores her clothing in a closet in a guest room? What the fuck. ![]() Whew, it’s just one of Lisa’s personal wardrobes. Gordon finds a door in his room locked with a padlock. Lisa shows Gordon to his room, which I am pretty sure was a leftover set from the brothel on Deadwood. Who the fuck cares how fat the hostess is? And I’m not shelling out $300 for an outfit I can only wear to my minimum wage job! Sod off, Boobs McGee. OK, now I’m convinced this really is a front for a brothel. Turns out that her “authentic” Austrian costume cost $300! And they pay for it themselves! “It’s keeps them from gaining weight,” Lisa confides. The poor hostess is dressed like a drunken bar wench, complete with a braided updo. “We’re not swingers,” she confides, referring to local lore. Sexual innuendos jokes about menstruation and cross-dressing nothing is off limits for this woman. Firstly, her tits are out and on display before Gordon even gets in the door. Okay, I am not a prude by any means, but 10 minutes into the show, the innkeeper Lisa, aka Boobs McGee, has offended me no less than half a dozen times. It’s run by Jonathan and Lisa, an (openly?) married couple. This week, Gordon visits The Vienna Inn, which shockingly is not located in Vienna, but in Massachusetts.
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